Crazy Dayz

Every spring I am amazed at how the days seem to fill themselves so quickly and unexpectedly once the tulips start to bloom.  For us it really started happening when the boys were in the full swing of school and sports and the notes home regarding music recitals, football practice etc. started littering my computer space.  As crazy as it seems in the moment, all it takes is a victory cheer for a touch down or a quiet smile when a difficult piece on a violin has been played well to realize that these are the days that Scott and I will look back and cherish. 

Lately, we have had some later than usual evenings and I have noticed the boys taking turns in their sisters room and slipping into her bed with a book.  They claim that they may be coming down with a cold and don't want to infect the other but secretly I suspect they long for this little girl more than they want to let on knowing our hearts are in such a vulnerable spot.  We have been trying to protect them from disapointment and hurt during this wait and I now realize that they too are sheilding us from the unknown in their own way.  They are so precious.  Our little girl will be welcomed by two of the most loving boys.

With Mothers Day just behind us, I was tucking Sunny in and he looked sad.  I asked him what was wrong and he stated that he was so sad for his sister.  I asked him why and he expressed that he was sad for the fact that his sister will never see her mom...wow..they get it more than I give them credit for.  So of course it has opened up conversation which is priceless.  I asked him if I could share this info and he was very open to it.

So anyway, that's where we are these days..healthy, happy, but sad too.  We feel stuck. Stuck in the system and feeling very much in limbo.  I wish I could with my whole heart know this would work out and our daughter would be home with us very soon but with all the disapointments lately I am trying to feel positive but at the same time I am very guarded.  I hate it, it's so not my nature.  I had a dream she came home to us and brought a friend..hmm. perhaps it's a sign.

Let's hope.